So I have not posted anything here in like over a year, the roller coaster year is however coming to an end and if I did not do this ……….. I was going through twitter recently and saw different links to different posts by peeps about how 2013 turned out for them.

2013 was the best and worst year I have ever had in my 20 something years on mother earth. I am not a good writer so pardon my shortcomings if you ever get to read this post.

January

It started out good, I had offended my boss a few days back by taking an undeserved holiday which he did not find funny but he got over it after I apologized. I practically slept all day on the 1st January, partly because I felt sick and partly cos I felt I was pregnant. I had seen the doctor earlier and he said I was not so I was not too sure.

2nd was resumption date and even though I was not healthy  enough I dragged myself to work, made amends and all was fine with the world or so I thought……… My birthday came and it was fabulous, had a splendid time and boss even dashed me money, boy! everyone was surprised, even me.

As the month dragged to an end, I was more weak and also confirmed the pregnancy scare, the roller coaster ride began, I asked for time off work cos I could not cope. Kept thinking of the 9 long months, too sad I didn’t appreciate what God had done for me.

February

I was still sick or so I refer to the morning sickness as, retired to spend time with my mum so she could take care of me, vals day was a blur, I am not even sure of what happened but I know it came and went its way. Still did not take time to appreciate what God had done for me, I was scared it was not what I wanted and not the right time because I had started considering my masters’ degree program then. This was going to put a stop to it, besides there were too many what ifs I considered, what if I didn’t make it through, but God remained faithful.

March

The morning sickness got worse, boo was not helping matters, kinda regretted getting pregnant at that point, tried pushing it behind but my life was on hold, tried praying but couldn’t figure out the right words to say, then the scary dreams started, I tried to be closer to God but that was all it was…. trial but I did not succeed in the quest.

April

The experience was more harrowing I wished I could do something about it, had to put up a facade, smiled all day long even when I was dying inside, went ahead to fill out the form for the masters’ degree, planned to get away from everything I knew after the delivery, I had plans but man proposes, God disposes, kept smiling through it all, by then I started to listen to more worship songs it kinda helped in lifting my spirit.

May

Had pains all over, the doctor said I was just experiencing body changes, I had to pretend I was fine because I did not want my mum feeling like there was a problem but I knew there was, the nightmares were still there though I kind of conquered at the end of every episode or so I could call it, the doctor said my child was cute when she felt her and I joked about having a smooth delivery because she wont be too big.

June

Boo came visiting, we had a good time, I had no idea the month was going to be the worst month ever, I only knew I had a serious unrest in my spirit, I prayed and this time I prayed hard, came back to Lagos to deliver a ‘consignment’ and then the bleeding started, :(, tried all means to stop this, doctor said it was false labor and then the contractions started, ended up in LUTH and I delivered a beautiful baby girl who lived only for 4 days, those days were the worst days ever, heard all sorts from doctors that been a pre-term baby there were lots of risks involved if she survived.

I prayed and had faith like never before, I believed she was going to survive and that she will turn out fine, I was so wrong, she struggled to survive and it made me weak, I wished I could take all the pains away and make the world a better place, I could only cry and pray.

And the morning came, she passed away and rested. I miss you OLUWAJOMILOJU BODUNRIN and even though I did not love you enough while I was pregnant with you, I did when I set my eyes on you, keep resting in God’s bosom.

July & August

I lost faith in God and in everything, started living my life like it came, I was not bothered about anything, I got drunk a lot though in the corner of my room, I said Amen to prayers people said but it was just lip service, I did not believe in it. I felt wasted.

September

I got another job, but did not resume, I felt I was not mentally ready and I did not even want anything near my profession, and then the reality hit me that while I had an opportunity that i was misusing, some were looking for same and I decided to pay my new boss a visit to apologize with a promise that I was going to start the following month.

October & November

Started work, met new people, had a sense of fulfillment, I could visibly see God’s hands in everything I laid my hands on and even though I didn’t acknowledge this, in spite of my unfaithfulness, he remained faithful.

December

Work is more fulfilling, I find myself telling friends that I enjoy litigation now, God saw me through the pains of 2013, I apologize for ever failing him and I pray the new year will be the best of years to come.

Thank you friends who made 2013 bearable, and thank you mum for being a solid rock behind me, thank you boo for everything, my sister, I love you greatly, thank you for standing by me in the trying times, my siblings, I am grateful for having you guys, Oluwanifemi, you rock my world, like I practically look forward to everyday because of you.

Thank you.

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